The Art of Active Listening (May 18, 2009)
Listening is more than 50% of communication, and you must know what to listen for. Learn to manage upset people in intimidating circumstances. Have the conversations that help people open up so they don’t blow up. Improve cooperation and understanding in your workplace simply through improving your own active listening skills, which you will get to practice in this interactive workshop.
Association of Legal Administrators
38th Annual Educational Conference and Exposition
Earnest N. Morial Convention Center
New Orleans, LA
May 18-21, 2009
This session: May 18, 2009 4:30 PM - 5:30 PM
For more information, go to http://www.alanet.org
Post Date: August 20, 2008
Listening to the Voices of Experience
At Lawyer-Coach we get quite a number of calls and emails from attorneys starting a new law practice. Some are fresh out of law school. Some have been with a bigger firm, a corporation or the government. All appreciate the wisdom of lawyers who have been there before. Here’s an opportunity to hear from some small firm lawyers who are willing to share the benefit of their experience.
Getting advice from more experienced lawyers
Angela Nickel, a Seguin attorney who handles real estate and construction matters, including litigation, says. “Don’t be afraid to ask other lawyers for help….I developed relationships with other lawyers in town and simply asked for guidance, forms and the occasional game of devil’s advocate. Not only did I get the support I needed, but I developed some truly wonderful friendships. With 18 years under my belt now, I am eager to return the favor to other young lawyers in my community.”
Martha James, an immigration lawyer in Dallas, agrees, “it is imperative that you keep in touch with other attorneys regularly, either though organizations or one-on-one. Attorneys are a great source of referrals, advice and support.”
Stacey Langenbahn, a Colleyville lawyer who incorporates Collaborative Law and Cooperative Law techniques into her dispute resolution efforts, has several suggestions. She recommends asking an experienced lawyer to be a mentor and to co-counsel with you. She also suggests asking to “shadow” (follow around) another lawyer. That’s part of how associates in bigger firms learn, and it can be available to enterprising solos, too. Finally, Langenbahn points out that you can direct your substantive and practice management questions to a lawyer’s listserv or blog for advice.
Keep your expenses down
Ted Weiss was a partner in a Houston mega-firm before going out on his own to offer full-service dispute resolution as a mediator, arbitrator and litigator. He says, “As you begin, concentrate on minimizing your overhead consistent with presenting a professional image.” Bigger firms can benefit from economy of scale that would not appear to be available to smaller firms. Weiss, however, suggests some ways to save on costs by subleasing from another law firm. That allows you to share expenses on items like a conference room, common area furniture, receptionist, administrative assistant, and office equipment. Some of the equipment expenses you share may include a telephone system, copier, fax machine, scanner and postage machine.
Weiss goes even further by suggesting that you use wireless technology as much as possible for telecommunications. He says, “Rather than three landlines (two for phone and a third for DSL and fax), use a wireless PDA for your phone, an air card for Internet service anywhere with your laptop, and Efax to receive faxes.” His recommendations also provide a lot of flexibility and mobility. You can practice from almost anywhere, and if your office moves, you won’t need to change any phone or fax numbers.
Nickel had some cost-saving suggestions for small town lawyers. She said, “I bought an old house downtown that was suitable for a home-office arrangement, yet with plenty of visibility. I hung out my shingle, turned the parlor into a professional-looking office, and learned to type and file like a seasoned legal secretary.”
While keeping costs down is important, when you start hiring staff, Glynn Nance, a Houston business and tax transactional lawyer, counsels, “Don’t try to save money on cheap support staff. You will create more problems for yourself.”
Biggest mistakes
Everyone learns on the job, and mistakes are part of the process. If you learn from others’ mistakes, however, maybe you’ll make fewer of them and hit your successful stride sooner. Erik Goodman, a criminal lawyer in Austin, says “I wish I had paid more attention to cultivating contacts with civil lawyers.” He now knows their value as referral sources. Likewise, Weiss says his biggest mistake was to neglect networking and marketing when his workload was heavy. He says, “Even when your plate is full, make sure to continue business development activities that will help keep new business in the pipeline.”
Debbie Welch, an Amarillo lawyer, cautions, “Be highly selective in who you represent.” At her firm, they now only represent people whose company they enjoy. She says, “There are some people who are never going to be happy and you don’t want that type of person for your client.” James adds, “Don’t take a client just because you need the work. Not all clients will pay you when they get your bill….It is important to discuss expectations immediately with clients, get realistic retainers, and keep a close watch on receivables.”
Nance warns about a mistake his firm made. “Be careful of software programs that market themselves as a one-stop resource for accounting, file management and contact management. They will be good in one thing, but not in another.”
Good advice they received
Welch commends the advice she received to get board certified in her area of practice: estate planning and probate. She recommends that you represent clients in a few select areas of practice, and become an expert in those areas. “You cannot be everything to all people,” declares Welch. Nance agrees. He says board certification gave him instant credibility with potential clients and referral sources.
He also received sage advice to take two or three people to lunch every week. “It’s the best marketing tool a small firm lawyer has in his quiver of marketing arrows,” he asserts.
Making the move to a small firm
The switch to a small firm from a big bureaucratic corporate office or from a multi-office mega-firm can unsettle even seasoned lawyers. Paul Yale, a board certified oil and gas lawyer in Houston, says, “If you have spent a long period of time with the same employer (in my case, a big corporation for 27 years), you are probably overly risk averse and overly pessimistic about your chances of success outside the corporate womb….Don’t underestimate how big a factor renewed passion for your job can be.”
Laura Upchurch handles contested probate, trust and guardianship matters, as well as real estate and small business matters in Brenham. Based on her experience in moving from a large firm to a small one, she advises: “Recognize that you will no longer be a small cog in a large wheel – you will be a large cog in a small wheel. If any of those cogs does not mesh with the others, the firm’s ‘machinery’ is not going to operate properly…. [M]ake sure, before you join the firm, that the goals, philosophy and style of your practice will be cohesive with those of the other attorneys in the office.”
She suggests multiple interviews and meetings to get to know the other lawyers before making a move. Her firm reviewed writing samples and transcripts, and talked with colleagues at her former large firm. Now they also use personality assessments to help ensure a good fit. These precautions benefit both the firm and the prospective new lawyer.
James admonishes that it will be a mistake to think you can “just practice law” in a small firm. “You will be doing everything from marketing to billing to overseeing staff,” she reminds. Many attorneys underestimate the amount of time they will spend managing staff and handling other administrative matters.
Upchurch also reminds small firm lawyers that everywhere you go, you represent your firm. “If you are one of only five attorneys, what you do and say before others will likely reflect more on your firm than if you are one of 500 attorneys.”
Find ways to keep your practice enjoyable
Finally, you’ve got to keep it fun. Overcoming daily challenges can be wearing, and many lawyers burn out. John Sloan, a plaintiff’s personal injury lawyer in Longview, says, “The thing I learned that made my practice more successful and more enjoyable is to take advantage of the opportunity that we have as lawyers to get to know people from all walks of life. Not just to get to know them from the standpoint of their legal problem or their case, but to get to know them as individuals with interesting stories to tell, with hopes and with dreams. Seeing each client this way makes for a more enjoyable practice and there is no better advertisement than former clients that have become valued friends.”
© 2008 Debra Bruce
Post Date: August 15, 2008
The Trouble with Email
“I send out this simple, straight-forward email, then I get all this negative reaction. I don’t get it.”
Misconstrued Emails
Lawyers and law firm administrators that I coach report this to me a lot. Emails are informal and easy to send quickly, so we often zip them off without rereading them to see how they might sound to the reader. The recipients of the email then supply the tone of voice, cadence and volume to it, which can dramatically affect the tenor of the message.
We send out something like “Don’t forget to sign up by Tuesday!” In our minds we hear the polite, encouraging voice of a flight attendant on the intercom reminding us to keep our seatbelts fastened during the flight. Our reader, however, hears the edgy voice of an eighth grade math teacher admonishing an unruly class. If there is any history of friction or conflict between sender and reader (as frequently happens with opposing counsel, subordinates who have been “counseled” or partners in competition for firm resources), the reader may hear the threatening bark of a drill sergeant.
Why is that? Most of us can’t type as fast as we can speak, so we tend toward brevity and directness in our emails. Brevity in conversation often comes across as curt, disinterested, rude or commanding, unless we soften it with a cheery or concerned tone. In email, the reader inserts the tone themselves, and they often don’t supply the most cordial tone.
Tips for Avoiding Misunderstandings
To establish the intended tone in an email, we can either sacrifice brevity and become more formal, or adopt the extreme brevity and informality that teenagers use in text messaging. “When are you going to send the documents?” might sound abrasive and nagging in some circumstances. You can soften that by substituting “It would be helpful to know when we might expect to receive the documents.” Alternatively, a message that says “When r u sending docs?” is so abbreviated that the reader is now more likely to understand that the sender is just saving time, and not being curt. Readers are particularly likely to grant that extra bit of grace when the email obviously comes from a Blackberry or other PDA.
By the way, just in case you are not already aware of the little rules of email etiquette, upper case typing in email is the equivalent of raising the voice in person. In some circumstances colored fonts or bold face can also be interpreted that way. If you are a poor typist, it is better to type in all lower case than all upper case. That’s an accepted way to manage the challenge of sending messages using the little buttons on a PDA or when typing rapid fire to keep the conversation flowing in an online chat.
Please Don’t Make This Mistake
Some writers think their readers are unreasonably sensitive and just looking for something to complain about. “I said ‘Please’ for Pete’s sake!” they grumble. Unfortunately, however, in many circumstances the word “please” has become the signal that a command will follow, such as “Please keep off the grass” or “Please don’t touch.”
To avoid that implication, instead of “Please respond by Friday,” try going a little more formal as in one of the following:
“Kindly respond by Friday.”
“We would greatly appreciate a response by Friday.”
“Would you be so kind as to let us know your intentions by Friday?”
Email is No Substitute
I can’t talk about avoiding misunderstandings in emails without addressing one other issue. Today co-workers officing next door to each other often communicate by email. With email we can talk without having to make a real-time connection between two busy people. Such written correspondence also serves the valuable purpose of making it easy to track the communication and document agreements and instructions for future reference.
Unfortunately, however, people also use email to avoid direct confrontation in sticky situations. I coached a lawyer who was having difficulties with a co-worker in another department. My client was a likeable guy and his requests seemed reasonable in the situation, yet he experienced friction and resistance for weeks. I asked whether he had tried having a conversation with his co-worker to figure out the problem.
“I sent him an email,” he said.
“Is he in your building?” I asked, incredulous.
“Yes, he’s down one floor.”
“Are your legs broken?” I chided.
He held a face to face conversation that day and got the issue resolved.
When things are already testy, email communication has a high risk of exacerbating the situation. Save time and conflict by picking up the phone or meeting in person. If you need documentation of the understanding reached or the information communicated, you can send a confirming email afterwards.
Use More Personal Touch in Touchy Situations
In summary, email is a great time-saver in day-to-day situations. When communication has the potential to get touchy, however, we need to slow down and pay attention to the possible ways that our language might be misconstrued. We can save ourselves a lot of time in the long run by taking the extra steps necessary to make sure that the positive intent of our message comes through, whether by adjusting our language or picking up the phone.
Post Date: June 10, 2008
Achieving Balance from the Inside Out
Lately I have received a rash of requests for coaching and speaking on the topic of attorney work/life balance. You can find some specific suggestions on that topic in my article titled Work/Life Balance: Are You Tottering on the Brink? first published on December 11, 2006 in The Practice Manager.
Clients as Mirrors
Coaches remark that their clients often bring to them the very challenges that the coaches themselves need to address. What a blessing! It is so much easier to see the options available to someone else. Then we can just listen to the ideas and observations we offer our clients, and apply them to our own lives.
I have been struggling to keep my own workload in balance. In my practice I see attorneys reluctant to ask for help. I see them postpone the investment in hiring the additional quality assistance they need. I see lawyers hold themselves to an impossible standard. I see lawyers say “yes” to too many commitments. I see them promise a document delivery at the earliest date possible, without finding out when the client really needs it, or without assessing how much time they need to meet their existing commitments. I see attorneys spend time on low priority squeaky wheels and distractions, instead of protecting their time for more important projects. I warn them to “put your own oxygen mask on first” as I watch them put the needs of family and clients ahead of their own, once again. At one time or another I do all the same things.
Internal Experience as a Mirror
Sometimes the flip side occurs. I recognize something in my own life that I can share with my clients for application to their situation. This week I traveled to Chicago for business. One of my meetings got postponed, and I took the opportunity to visit The Art Institute, with its remarkable collection of Impressionist art.
To my own surprise, I felt a sense of exhilaration and anticipation as I entered the doors. I planned to just sit and soak up some of my favorite paintings. As I entered the Impressionist corridor and caught my first glimpse of some of the paintings, emotion welled up in me and my eyes watered.
“What’s this about?” I asked myself. I became aware of a deep longing. A longing for spaciousness. For beauty. For unleashing my creativity. For permission to just be, without doing. For listening to the still small voice within.
I spent two hours luxuriating in those rooms, and the experience renewed my mind and body. I sat that evening in an airport waiting for a flight delayed by three hours. I knew it would be well after midnight when I touched down in Houston. Yet, I felt refreshed and optimistic.
Nurturing the Soul
Sitting in The Art Institute, I rediscovered the vital importance of taking time to nurture my soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The soul’s emphasis is always right.” I had not allowed time to listen for that emphasis.
What nurtures and renews you? Listening to music? Walking in nature? Exercising? Staring out the window or at an aquarium? Laughing? Petting a beloved animal? Watching a baby sleep? Singing? Gardening? Sitting in silence? Painting? Gazing at a fire or a burning candle? These are a few activities that renew and refresh people. They unlock our muscles and free our minds from that compulsive whirring.
Creating Stillpoints
As I sat in The Art Institute of Chicago, I realized how far I had fallen out of the habit of my morning quiet time. As little as 15 minutes in the quiet makes a big difference in the quality of the rest of the day. My clients who try it report more resilience and reduced reactivity to the stressors of the day. A wise person said, “Meditate half an hour every day, except when you are really busy, of course. Then meditate an hour.”
Steven Keeva, author of Transforming Practices: Finding Joy and Satisfaction in the Legal Life, recommends finding several brief times during the day in which to create “stillpoints,” even if only a couple of minutes. Stop when you hang up the phone, or before you start the next project. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Put your mind on a peaceful place or an inspirational phrase or something for which you are grateful. These little stillpoints can increase our mindfulness, and return us to being “at choice” in our lives.
I’m starting a new regime of daily quite time and stillpoints, in which I will allow the renewing of my mind. Will you join me in seeking balance from the inside out? If you do, please share your experience with me.
Post Date: May 14, 2008