Work/Life Balance: Are You Tottering on the Brink?
As a coach to lawyers, this is the time of year when I really hear the life balance questions. All year lawyers struggle to maintain work/life balance, but the challenges become more acute during the holidays. At the same time that family and friends clamor for our attention, year-end deadlines for budgetary, tax or financial reporting purposes cause our clients to pressure us with non-negotiable demands.
Here are tips to implement all year long to help achieve balance between work and your personal life, but especially during the holidays.
1. Put your own oxygen mask on first. This is the most important tip, and the one you’ll be most tempted to skip. The flight attendants tell you this for a good reason. You can’t help others or meet their demands if you deplete your own reserves. What replenishes your energy? What relieves stress for you? Spending a few minutes with nature nurtures the soul, even if you merely water the plants in your office. Create space for 15 minutes of quiet at the start of your day, and protect it. It sounds counter-intuitive and maybe impossible, but my clients are surprised at how problems roll off their backs, instead of developing into time-sucking crises, when they start the day with quiet time.
2. Buy time. Time is the biggest luxury in the life of a lawyer, so use some of that above-median income to buy more of it. Pay someone else to handle the routine and redundant tasks that eat up time. Hire a concierge, errand service, or personal shopper. Hire a professional organizer for your office or home. Pay your housekeeper or nanny to carpool and cook. Do your holiday gift shopping online. Use a dry cleaner that picks up and delivers. Buy and freeze healthy, preservative-free, ready-to-cook meals at places like Village Table, Dine Wise and Diet Gourmet. Use housekeeping and lawn services, and get valet pick up for auto maintenance. Save your precious time for your loved ones, your clients and yourself.
3. Improve your delegation skills. Don’t do for others what they can do for themselves. Empower them by giving them the training they need, and then express your confidence in their ability to manage it. This goes for home and office. I was stunned at how much time I found when I stopped minding other people’s business. Be willing to accept less than perfect performance. Let them do it their way sometimes. Ask yourself: How important is it? What outcome do I really need? Don’t be an island, a hero or a martyr. Collaborate with others to get things done. Hire an assistant who has skills and talents that are complementary to yours, not duplicative.
4. Learn to say no. Reduce commitments. Periodically review your memberships and recurring commitments to weed out a few. Before taking on a new commitment, ask yourself, “Do I really want to? For the sake of what?” If the answer is not a resounding yes, why are you considering it? To please someone else? You’ll be more likely to displease them if your plate is too full or you have creeping resentment from doing something you didn’t really want to do. Remember: Each time you say yes, you are saying no to something else. You may be saying no to being fully present with your kids, to doing your best on an important project, or to rekindling your relationship with your spouse.
Many people have trouble saying no diplomatically, so here are a few strategies:
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a. Stall for time. Don’t answer right away. Say, “Let me check my calendar (my current work load, or my spouse’s commitments), and get back to you.” You can think more clearly and determine what you really want outside the pressure of the moment.
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b. Offer another solution. Most people don’t really care so much who does what; they just need a solution to their problem. Say, “You know, I’m not really very good at that, but Beverly is a whiz at it. Let me give you her number.” Or, “I don’t really have time to participate, but I would be willing to make a financial contribution for the project.”
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c. Clarify priorities. Sometimes it is politically dangerous or even impossible to turn down a project at work. It may be better to say, “I would love to work on your project. With my current commitments I could get started in about three weeks. Would that work for you?” If some of your existing commitments are for the same person, or you simply do not have the power to say no, say “I have an over-flowing plate right now. Can we go through my assignments to prioritize them?” or “Can you and John and I work out the priorities among your assignments to me?”
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d. Sandwich your no between positive statements. “That’s a really worthwhile program you’re proposing. Unfortunately my time is fully committed right now. I admire your dedication to making a difference.” Or, as long as you mean it, “Perhaps I can help next time if we get an earlier start.”
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e. Don’t give lengthy explanations. If you say you can’t, they may try to find solutions so that you can. Or they may hear you as insincere or untruthful. Simply say “I already have conflicting commitments.” If that won’t do, it would be better to make it clear that it’s your choice. “My work requires a lot of long hours. So I reserve what little extra time I have to focus on my family.”
5. Improve your time management skills. Systematize and automate as much as you can. Create a system for doing redundant tasks and document the system. It will be more efficient, as well as much easier to delegate or teach someone else, if you have detailed written instructions. Invest in software and hardware that will reduce steps and do work for you. Organize your office and your home so you don’t waste time looking for things. Read some of the articles in previous issues of The Practice Manager or on my website for more time management tips.
6. Double up. Plan some of your activities so that they do double duty for both personal and career benefit. Enjoy recreational reading by listening to books while you drive to work or a meeting (it reduces the stress of traffic). Invite your clients to bring their kids to the ballgame when you bring yours. Take a client and spouse to dinner along with your spouse, then after dinner go dancing just with your spouse. Let your kids jog with you, or use a jogging stroller. (Let go of the competitive drive that says you have to get your time down or run farther than last time.) Let lifting and playing with your kids be your exercise. Half an hour of playing tag in the yard will get your heart rate up and delight your children.
Balance is not something you achieve, and then you’re done. Maintaining balance requires intention and constant adjustment. Like learning to ride a bicycle, it gets easier with practice, but it helps to have a partner run along side you at first. A buddy or a coach can help.
Post Date: May 14, 2008
Achieving Balance from the Inside Out
Lately I have received a rash of requests for coaching and speaking on the topic of attorney work/life balance. You can find some specific suggestions on that topic in my article titled Work/Life Balance: Are You Tottering on the Brink? first published on December 11, 2006 in The Practice Manager.
Clients as Mirrors
Coaches remark that their clients often bring to them the very challenges that the coaches themselves need to address. What a blessing! It is so much easier to see the options available to someone else. Then we can just listen to the ideas and observations we offer our clients, and apply them to our own lives.
I have been struggling to keep my own workload in balance. In my practice I see attorneys reluctant to ask for help. I see them postpone the investment in hiring the additional quality assistance they need. I see lawyers hold themselves to an impossible standard. I see lawyers say “yes” to too many commitments. I see them promise a document delivery at the earliest date possible, without finding out when the client really needs it, or without assessing how much time they need to meet their existing commitments. I see attorneys spend time on low priority squeaky wheels and distractions, instead of protecting their time for more important projects. I warn them to “put your own oxygen mask on first” as I watch them put the needs of family and clients ahead of their own, once again. At one time or another I do all the same things.
Internal Experience as a Mirror
Sometimes the flip side occurs. I recognize something in my own life that I can share with my clients for application to their situation. This week I traveled to Chicago for business. One of my meetings got postponed, and I took the opportunity to visit The Art Institute, with its remarkable collection of Impressionist art.
To my own surprise, I felt a sense of exhilaration and anticipation as I entered the doors. I planned to just sit and soak up some of my favorite paintings. As I entered the Impressionist corridor and caught my first glimpse of some of the paintings, emotion welled up in me and my eyes watered.
“What’s this about?” I asked myself. I became aware of a deep longing. A longing for spaciousness. For beauty. For unleashing my creativity. For permission to just be, without doing. For listening to the still small voice within.
I spent two hours luxuriating in those rooms, and the experience renewed my mind and body. I sat that evening in an airport waiting for a flight delayed by three hours. I knew it would be well after midnight when I touched down in Houston. Yet, I felt refreshed and optimistic.
Nurturing the Soul
Sitting in The Art Institute, I rediscovered the vital importance of taking time to nurture my soul. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The soul’s emphasis is always right.” I had not allowed time to listen for that emphasis.
What nurtures and renews you? Listening to music? Walking in nature? Exercising? Staring out the window or at an aquarium? Laughing? Petting a beloved animal? Watching a baby sleep? Singing? Gardening? Sitting in silence? Painting? Gazing at a fire or a burning candle? These are a few activities that renew and refresh people. They unlock our muscles and free our minds from that compulsive whirring.
Creating Stillpoints
As I sat in The Art Institute of Chicago, I realized how far I had fallen out of the habit of my morning quiet time. As little as 15 minutes in the quiet makes a big difference in the quality of the rest of the day. My clients who try it report more resilience and reduced reactivity to the stressors of the day. A wise person said, “Meditate half an hour every day, except when you are really busy, of course. Then meditate an hour.”
Steven Keeva, author of Transforming Practices: Finding Joy and Satisfaction in the Legal Life, recommends finding several brief times during the day in which to create “stillpoints,” even if only a couple of minutes. Stop when you hang up the phone, or before you start the next project. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Put your mind on a peaceful place or an inspirational phrase or something for which you are grateful. These little stillpoints can increase our mindfulness, and return us to being “at choice” in our lives.
I’m starting a new regime of daily quite time and stillpoints, in which I will allow the renewing of my mind. Will you join me in seeking balance from the inside out? If you do, please share your experience with me.
Post Date: May 14, 2008
Learning from Our Mistakes
A wise person said, “A mistake is not a mistake unless you fail to learn from it.” I made my share of mistakes in my legal career, and here are a few I learned from. I thought I would offer you the chance to learn from some of mine, instead of making them all yourself.
1. Viewing speaking and writing as non-billable time. It is true that we usually can’t bill anyone for those activities or the preparation time required. When I looked at it that way, however, I tended to de-value the activity, and put it behind everything else. Of course, that means I didn’t get around to developing talks or writing articles that would showcase my expertise and expose me to new contacts. The wiser course would have been to view those efforts as important business development activities, so that I would give them the appropriate emphasis.
2. Focusing on prospective clients and not on prospective referral sources. As a corollary to the first law practice management mistake described above, I didn’t take advantage of opportunities to speak to audiences full of referral sources. At a time when I represented small businesses, the managing partner of the regional office of a large national insurance company asked me to give a talk to their sales stars about shareholder agreements in closely held organizations. I never got around to it. I saw it as a favor to them and I didn’t recognize that they would be highly motivated to act like my free sales force convincing business owners that they needed shareholder agreements backed by key-leader life insurance. I didn’t recognize the opportunity, even though I had seen how an initial small project could develop into a significant long-term client. When those life insurance clients didn’t like their existing counsel, or needed a referral for other reasons, I would have been the corporate lawyer all those sales people knew to recommend.
3. Not networking enough with lawyers in other practice groups. As an associate in a large law firm, I billed a lot of hours. Although I liked getting to know the other attorneys, I had my nose to the grindstone so much that I rarely ventured to the other floors. As a partner, even in a smaller firm, I had many additional duties and tended to focus my networking outward. In those years I got a myopic view of firm politics, and missed a lot of opportunities to build or strengthen valuable alliances. Life in a law firm can have striking similarities to the reality television show Survivor, where alliances play a crucial role.
4. Training one subordinate after another on the same thing. The work in a law office requires smart people at all levels, so lawyers tend to develop people-dependent practices. People smart enough to be good lawyers or good legal support staff have multiple employment opportunities, however. As a result, many law firms today experience a lot of turnover. Illness, life changes, or even advancement within the firm can trigger the need to train replacements. After suffering through temporary employees and new trainees a few times, I learned to ask the people I supervised to develop a desk manual respecting their responsibilities. For any redundant work, the manual set out detailed explanations of the procedures involved and the location of the useful or necessary resources. I also established indexed form banks that I could point people to. That made my practice more system-dependent and less people-dependent. I got higher quality product from my direct reports, I spent less of my own time in the delegation process, and I didn’t get crippled when the inevitable turnover occurred.
5. Working myself into poor health. The ranks of lawyers include a lot of workaholics, and I’ve been one of them. When the law firm culture rewards martyrdom in the name of client service or higher revenues, lawyers may fail to recognize the true price they pay. Until I learned to establish some boundaries and engage in self-care, I went into the hospital twice during one pregnancy due to overwork; I allowed a cold to develop into bronchitis and then pneumonia; I experienced a period of excessive weight loss; I missed out on a great vacation that I regretted for years; and once I fell asleep at a stop light while driving home from work. I have not even mentioned the impact on my most important relationships. Looking back on those days from the maturity of my years and the vantage point of experience, what I gained was not worth what I lost.
6. Telling an experienced assistant how I liked things done without asking her how she liked to do things. When I joined a new law firm, I blew it on the very first day. As a result of that faux pas, we got off to a bad start and I experienced a lot of passive-aggressive foot-dragging and low quality work product from a very competent staff member. If I had started out by asking her how she suggested doing things, I might have learned a few new ideas. There would be plenty of time later to develop a working methodology that satisfied us both. I would have had a more willing guide through my initiation at the new firm, and I definitely would have saved myself a lot of frustration over the next few months.
These are just a few of the mistakes I made over the years. I invite you to share with me some of your experiences of “learning the hard way.” I suspect that together we could have enough fodder for quite a few more columns.
© 2008 Debra Bruce
Originally appeared in The Practice Manager published by the State Bar of Texas in March 2008.
Post Date: March 14, 2008
A New Year by Design or by Default?
A bright and talented lawyer lamented: “Where did all the money go?” He was a charismatic guy and had attracted a few good cases. Because he was a skilled lawyer, he enjoyed some success. However, when profits began to dwindle, at first he didn’t notice. Then he didn’t know how to adjust his strategy, because he didn’t really have one.
In the business world, companies can’t get financing if they don’t have a business plan. That’s because bankers know that owners who run their businesses by the seat of the pants are more likely to fail. A business plan doesn’t guarantee success, but in the process of creating one, we establish goals. We consider ways to achieve those goals and how to address the obstacles to achieving them. We set a clear intention about how we want to spend our resources of time, money and talent. That clarity of intention helps us make better decisions when opportunities or obstacles arise. Sometimes during planning we have thought through the consequences of various options in advance. Other times we can ask ourselves, “Is this opportunity more likely to move me toward or away from my goal?”
I saw that the lamenting lawyer made quite a few impulsive and unwise decisions. He didn’t have a plan or goals to measure the decisions against. For example, he spent a significant amount of money on computer technology that he never learned to use. He lacked interest in it. If he had set even general goals for how he wanted to use his time, talents and money, a review of them could have informed his decision before he wasted his money. He could have been reminded of the things he really wanted to spend his time on, instead of learning about computer technology. Or he could have asked himself whether that technology would really get him closer to his goals, and if so, what further steps he would need to take.
These goal-setting principles apply to other areas of our lives, as well. If we don’t operate by design, we get what comes to us by default. We default to old bad habits when we lose sight of what doing things differently will bring us. We fail to notice opportunities because we don’t have a goal in mind that they will serve. If you have ever bought a new car, you have probably had the experience of suddenly seeing cars everywhere just like yours, that you didn’t notice before. Like those cars, opportunities are all around us that we don’t notice until we set an intention that relates to them.
What kind of intentions do you have for this year? Write them down, and give some thought to what it will take to achieve them. Define what you want to achieve in your law practice, in your relationships, in your physical health, in fun and recreation, in personal growth and in every other area that is important to you. Even if you don’t know how to achieve your goals, write down what you want. Once you commit to specific intentions, you may be surprised at how opportunities to fulfill them show up. If you don’t have enough commitment to your goal to write it down, you aren’t really setting an intention.
For some help in setting and achieving your goals, you can take a look at my article in the January 2005 issue of The Practice Manager archives entitled “Secrets to Actually Accomplishing Your Goals” or read the article on my website at http://www.lawyer-coach.com/raisingthebar/index.php/2005/01/01/secrets-to-actually-accomplishing-your-goals/. Another resource is www.BestYearYet.com. Click on “BYYO” at the very top of the page to get to a free online program for setting goals. For help in designing a business plan for your firm, the ABA Law Practice Management Section publishes a software package called “The Lawyer’s Guide to Creating a Business Plan.” You can order it at www.ababooks.org or purchase it at a discount through the Law Practice Management Program of the State Bar of Texas by calling 1-800-204-2222 x1300. Of course, you can always engage a lawyer-coach to help you get clear about what you want and to design a plan to achieve it.
Authors across generations have extolled the power of committing to an intention. Henry David Thoreau wrote about it in Walden over 150 years ago. Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote a 2004 bestseller called The Power of Intention. One of my favorite quotes about committing to intention was written by W. H. Murray in 1951 in The Scottish Himalayan Expedition. Murray wrote:
“Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sort of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
Now…will your year be one of design or default?
Post Date: January 11, 2008