Handy Additions to Your Conflict Resolution Toolbox
“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail,” observed the famous psychologist , Abraham Maslow. When it comes to conflict resolution, the only tool that most lawyers get from law school is a hammer.
Hammering your opponent might work in a trial, but it doesn’t create optimal outcomes in a casual disagreement. It doesn’t work very well when your “opponent” is your boss or someone you care about. It doesn’t foster healthy and productive on-going relationships at the office. Hammering the other side and trying to “win” tends to spawn resistance, rigidity, passive-aggressive behavior, escalation or chronic difficulties. Defeating your opponent rarely results in genuine resolution of the issue.
Lacking other tools, ironically, some lawyers avoid confrontation on their own behalf. I know a very effective trial attorney who wouldn’t return a shirt that was the wrong size. Conflict avoiders allow the biggest rainmaker or the loudest bully in the office to control decision-making, without benefit of their valuable input. Meanwhile the law firm experiences low morale, costly turnover, missed opportunities and wasteful mistakes.
To help you become more effective at resolving your own conflicts, as well as at helping clients resolve theirs, here’s a brief primer on a few techniques to add to your tool box. Read more
Post Date: June 21, 2010
Can Parenting Tips Improve Your Client Effectiveness?
Recently one of my lawyer clients described to me how he handles things with his high-strung child. As he described his process, it reminded me of how really effective family lawyers handle clients in the emotional throes of a divorce or custody battle.
In this time of economic turmoil and uncertain futures, today every lawyer has a stressed out client to deal with. See if this parent’s process might help you be more effective in managing both yourself, and those you advise, in stressful situations.
1. Prep them for everything. Let them know in advance what the two of you will each do, and what Plan B will be, if Plan A doesn’t work.
2. Prompt them during the process. As you engage in the process and things get a little scary, remind them that this is what you were expecting. Read more
Post Date: June 8, 2010
The Trouble with Email
“I send out this simple, straight-forward email, then I get all this negative reaction. I don’t get it.”
Misconstrued Emails
Lawyers and law firm administrators that I coach report this to me a lot. Emails are informal and easy to send quickly, so we often zip them off without rereading them to see how they might sound to the reader. The recipients of the email then supply the tone of voice, cadence and volume to it, which can dramatically affect the tenor of the message.
We send out something like “Don’t forget to sign up by Tuesday!” In our minds we hear the polite, encouraging voice of a flight attendant on the intercom reminding us to keep our seatbelts fastened during the flight. Our reader, however, hears the edgy voice of an eighth grade math teacher admonishing an unruly class. If there is any history of friction or conflict between sender and reader (as frequently happens with opposing counsel, subordinates who have been “counseled” or partners in competition for firm resources), the reader may hear the threatening bark of a drill sergeant.
Why is that? Most of us can’t type as fast as we can speak, so we tend toward brevity and directness in our emails. Brevity in conversation often comes across as curt, disinterested, rude or commanding, unless we soften it with a cheery or concerned tone. In email, the reader inserts the tone themselves, and they often don’t supply the most cordial tone.
Post Date: June 10, 2008
Clues You Can Use to Soothe Clashes
We all have someone we have to deal with who is somehow blocking us from getting what we want. It may be opposing counsel, but it may just as likely be our own partner or a staff member who isn’t performing to our expectations. In those situations our frustration levels mount, and some of us sneer or explode. We go from dealing with a difficult person to being a difficult person.
Many such problems can be solved or prevented if we can improve our communication skills. Here are some “clues you can use” to improve your communication and reduce the conflict in your office.
1. Deal with annoyances while they are small.
This concept particularly applies to people we interact with frequently. Sometimes someone does something that annoys us, inconveniences us or hurts us, but because it is a small matter, we think it would be too petty to bring up. By the time it (or something like it) happens the tenth time, we have a big stack of grievances to address, and our emotions run high. We appear to react out of proportion to the incident, but actually we are reacting to ten incidents. Ambrose Bierce, an American author and newspaper columnist, said, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” If we simply address the issue the first or second time it occurs, we usually can discuss it calmly, casually and without a lot of emotional investment.
Post Date: April 21, 2008