How to Turn Clients Away Without Creating Offense

Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.

Turn clients away without creating offenseI’ve written about warning signs that a potential new client may be a train wreck waiting to happen to your law practice. If you pay attention to such warnings, then you may find yourself wondering just how to turn clients away without creating offense. That’s just what one of my clients struggled with recently. Here are my thoughts and thoughts from other attorneys, too.



How NOT to Turn Clients Away 

Attorneys have a variety of ways that they handle potentially undesirable clients. Here are 3 methods that I do NOT recommend using to decline the representation.

1. Don’t:  Just quote a high retainer

Some lawyers suggest that you require a very high retainer or high hourly rate, which will probably scare the client away. However, what will you do if they pull out their credit card, ready to pay your high fees? At least you’ll get paid handsomely for dealing with a difficult client, say those folks. We’ve all dealt with difficult clients before at standard or even discounted rates, so this would be an improvement.

I think there are already enough stressful aspects to the practice of law without taking on clients that your gut tells you to avoid. You may wind up with demanding and unreasonable clients, who now have a high expectation of getting what they want because they are “paying through the nose” for it. Those “Grade C and D” clients tend to take up more of your time, leaving less time to render excellent service to the “Grade A” clients that you want more of. Your stress and irritation also negatively affect how you deal with everyone else, including those at home. On top of all that, some difficult clients will never be satisfied and are more likely to file a grievance.

But what if you really need the money this month? Should you go for the higher rate and just bear with that unpleasant personality? Jerry Tidwell Jr., a family law practitioner in McKinney, Texas, gave some good advice in a Facebook discussion group. He said,

“While I am not saying you have to like or be friends with your clients, I do think you have to empathize with their circumstance in order to adequately or zealously represent [them]. I don’t think empathy can come from thinking of clients as just paychecks….In that transaction there will never be honest or frank discussions, and always be distrust in both client and attorney. All are best served if attorneys turned away fees that gave them an uncomfortable feeling.”

2. Don’t: Make up a conflict

Claiming a conflict might discourage their interest in your services, but it also might raise suspicion and lead to more questions. More importantly, it involves lying, which I do not advocate. Rule 8.4 of the ABA Model Rules of Professional Conduct provides that it is professional misconduct for a lawyer to “engage in conduct involving dishonesty, fraud, deceit or misrepresentation.”

3. Don’t: Disregard  the risk of offense

Some lawyers say that we need to get beyond trying to be nice, because that’s what often causes us to wind up with undesirable clients in the first place. That perspective assumes that you have to choose between being be considerate and holding a boundary. You can stand firm with utmost kindness.

When your gut is already telling you that the client could be trouble, in this age of social media, an offended potential client might damage your reputation by venting to the world. I would even suggest that the abruptness of some lawyers has given our profession a bad name, making things more difficult for all of us. We need to remember that most clients come to us because they have a stressful situation and need our help, even though they themselves may not be very admirable in the way they deal with their suspicions and fears during their interactions with us. Turn clients away with grace to avoid creating additional discomfort for them or yourself.

How to Gracefully Hold a Boundary

First remember that the main thing the client wants is a solution to their problem. They actually want someone who will be comfortable working with their personality and their problem, and who can get them the best results possible. Chances are that if you aren’t comfortable, they aren’t really either. If you know others who would like to handle their matter, turn clients away with a referral to someone else. You are being of ultimate service to both  attorney and  client in making such a referral.

Elizabeth Stanley Pagel, a family law attorney in Humble, Texas says it this way:

“I appreciate you coming in to see me today, but I don’t think I would be the best attorney to represent you. I’d be happy to give you some names of other attorneys in the area who might be a better fit for you.”

Some attorneys make reference to their schedules, which won’t allow them to take “this kind of case.” That is true because you won’t allow your schedule to be derailed by a low fee case or the undue attention that a demanding, overly needy or deceitful client will likely require, even if your main focus will be on networking and marketing for good new clients. Others may reference some aspect of the matter that another attorney may have more experience in or more familiarity with the local rules or judges.

I, myself, occasionally receive calls from potential clients that don’t feel like a good fit because (i) I think they would clash with my style, (ii) they want a lot of exceptions to my preferred schedule, (iii) they would require a lot of extra work on my part, or (iv) they need expertise outside my wheelhouse of talents. I refer them to other lawyer-coaches because I know I can do a better job for clients that I look forward to helping. I truly want them to have the right fit. By expressing my care and concern for their interests, I’m able to turn away clients without giving offense or creating negative repercussions.

When you convey that you have their best interests in mind, clients are likely to appreciate your integrity and respect you for directing them elsewhere, instead of just taking their money. Some lawyers have actually received good referrals from clients they turned away! Just remember to do your CYA by sending a non-engagement letter or email reminding them of potential statutes of limitations, and wishing them luck in their endeavors.

I would love to receive your input. If you have successfully turned potential clients away (or wish that you had), I invite you to share your experience and advice below in the comments.

This post was adapted from an article by the author originally published in the April 24, 2014 issue of the Solo Practice University Blog.


Humorous Client Misconceptions

Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.

20140407 Humorous Client MisconceptionsClients get confused sometimes and we are all aware of how that can lead to misunderstandings. However, many of their misconceptions are quite humorous and I have compiled several of these for today’s post. Hopefully this will offer you a little break from your daily grind while you read some of their “ideas” about their cases. If you are a new lawyer, perhaps this information can help you head off some misunderstandings in the future.

First, some misconceptions about domestic relations matters:

1. I don’t need to negotiate with my spouse. The Domestic Relations Court will resolve my case and my problems.

2. Joint custody or shared parenting automatically means we will split time with the children on a 50/50 basis.

3. Since the divorce wasn’t my idea, I shouldn’t have to endure changes to my lifestyle, like selling the house, getting a job or experiencing a lower standard of living.

4. Wives don’t have to pay spousal support to husbands.

5. The divorce won’t happen if I refuse to sign any papers. Read more «Humorous Client Misconceptions»

Why Can’t We Listen?

20130916 Stephen SchollIntroducing guest blogger – Stephen Scholl

Stephen G. Scholl is a 40-year veteran civil trial attorney who today helps people resolve business and interpersonal conflict without litigation.  As a Peacemaker, he employs innovative approaches that promote healing and restoration of relationships that have been compromised in legal disputes. To learn more about Peacemaking visit or contact

When I’m in conflict with another person, listening is tough.  Voices and tensions escalate as the dispute heats up.  Each of us concludes that the other is tuning out.  What happens?  We keep repeating our positions, hoping that the other side will finally “get it.”  In this pattern, either the conflict will intensify further or issues will get stuffed into inventory.  Inability to listen is a major contributor to the deepening of conflict. Read more «Why Can’t We Listen?»

Negotiating with Belligerent Opposing Counsel

Debra L. Bruce, JD, PCC.

Initially, I tried letting him vent. When he wound down and I responded, however, he launched into another ear-splitting  tirade. In a very calm voice, I said, “I’m going to hang up the phone now. Call me back when you have calmed down, and we can discuss it further.” I pushed the disconnect button.

The phone rang immediately, and the screaming began again. I responded calmly, even gently, “I’m going to hang up again. Call me back when you calm down.”

The third call began with him yelling, “Stop treating me like a child!”
“I will,” I reassured him, “when you stop acting like one.” I quietly hung up again.

A few minutes passed before he initiated the fourth call. This time he spoke in a moderated voice, and we resumed our negotiations. We were able to keep our negotiations civil after that. Whenever he teetered on the verge of losing his temper, I just got quiet. He reigned himself in. Read more «Negotiating with Belligerent Opposing Counsel»

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