Is Your Listening Tuned to the Right Station?
“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for.”
—James Nathan Miller, Author
Many people think effective communication is simply choosing the right words to say. I submit, however, that poor listening skills create the biggest barrier to good communication.
Effective communicators listen attentively, but even attentive listeners can go astray. If a radio is not finely tuned to the right station, the reception gets garbled. Similarly, to fully understand a speaker’s message, a listener must properly tune in to the purpose of the speaking.
By way of illustration, most of us have whined about a frustrating problem at some point. We often know what to do about our problem, but we want to complain first in the hope of garnering some sympathy. Our frustration increases when listeners respond with suggested solutions to the problem. That wasn’t the kind of listening we wanted.
Many listeners miscue about the appropriate kind of listening required because most of us have a preferred approach that we use until we understand that something else is needed. We need to switch listening approaches to fit various situations.
Research has identified the following five common approaches to listening. By understanding the purpose of different approaches, you can learn to adapt your preferred style to the type most appropriate for particular circumstances. Read more
Post Date: January 26, 2012
Don’t Negotiate Like a Politician
Who knew that lawyers could find good advice about negotiating on behalf of their clients in The Costco Connection? In her article titled Attitude Shift, Rhonda Abrams warns business owners not to negotiate like today’s polarized and ineffective politicians. “Stop thinking of the other side as your opponent,” she advises.
When it comes to negotiation, clients often say that they want a tough lawyer. What they really want is a solution to their problem or the healing of an injury. Their strategy for obtaining that may involve hiring a tough lawyer. Read more
Post Date: November 8, 2011
Handy Additions to Your Conflict Resolution Toolbox
“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail,” observed the famous psychologist , Abraham Maslow. When it comes to conflict resolution, the only tool that most lawyers get from law school is a hammer.
Hammering your opponent might work in a trial, but it doesn’t create optimal outcomes in a casual disagreement. It doesn’t work very well when your “opponent” is your boss or someone you care about. It doesn’t foster healthy and productive on-going relationships at the office. Hammering the other side and trying to “win” tends to spawn resistance, rigidity, passive-aggressive behavior, escalation or chronic difficulties. Defeating your opponent rarely results in genuine resolution of the issue.
Lacking other tools, ironically, some lawyers avoid confrontation on their own behalf. I know a very effective trial attorney who wouldn’t return a shirt that was the wrong size. Conflict avoiders allow the biggest rainmaker or the loudest bully in the office to control decision-making, without benefit of their valuable input. Meanwhile the law firm experiences low morale, costly turnover, missed opportunities and wasteful mistakes.
To help you become more effective at resolving your own conflicts, as well as at helping clients resolve theirs, here’s a brief primer on a few techniques to add to your tool box. Read more
Post Date: June 21, 2010
Can Parenting Tips Improve Your Client Effectiveness?
Recently one of my lawyer clients described to me how he handles things with his high-strung child. As he described his process, it reminded me of how really effective family lawyers handle clients in the emotional throes of a divorce or custody battle.
In this time of economic turmoil and uncertain futures, today every lawyer has a stressed out client to deal with. See if this parent’s process might help you be more effective in managing both yourself, and those you advise, in stressful situations.
1. Prep them for everything. Let them know in advance what the two of you will each do, and what Plan B will be, if Plan A doesn’t work.
2. Prompt them during the process. As you engage in the process and things get a little scary, remind them that this is what you were expecting. Read more
Post Date: June 8, 2010