Articles by Debra Bruce

Is Your Life Fulfilling?

Debra Bruce, JD, PCC

Want a happier and more fulfilling life? Then perhaps you should look at what really peeves you. Are you driven nuts by drivers who weave in and out of the freeway lanes? Do you find yourself screeching at family members who leave dirty dishes on the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher? Does your blood pressure rise in the doctor's waiting room as the clock strikes past your 11 a.m. appointment.

When you identify what annoys or angers you, you find a clue to one of your values. By “values, “ I don’t mean virtues or morals, but rather, what is important to you. Your annoyance is a signal that one of your values is being stepped on. The weaving driver may violate your value for safety or predictability. The family member leaving a trail of dirty dishes may violate your value of orderliness or personal responsibility. The doctor with the overloaded appointment book may violate your value for punctuality or reliability.

If the situation doesn't just annoy you, but rather, it makes you want to explode, then that same value is probably being steeped on elsewhere in your life. What changes can you make in your circumstances, your attitude or your actions that will bring your life more in alignment with your values: Wherever we are not honoring our own values, we create stress and imbalance in our life. Often, that is just when we tend to blame someone else for our unhappiness.

For example, if you thrive on the connection you feel in meetings with other people, but abhor the paperwork that follows, you may procrastinate on that paperwork. (Perhaps you highly value connecting with others and seeing the big picture, but don't value, or just lack the skills for attention to detail.) Feeling stressed as the paperwork piles up (in part because you are dishonoring your own values for accomplishment and reliability perhaps), you take the accumulated stresses of the day home with you. There you are short-tempered with your spouse or children, creating conflict and more stress. The stress affects your immune system, making you more prone to illness. Your stress and illness affect your productivity at work, which affects your bonus and income. Because of your reduced productivity and income, you have less time and money for home repairs, and your environment begins to decay. You completely give up on the idea of fun and recreation.

By becoming consciously aware of our own personal values, we can live happier and more fulfilling lives. In the foregoing example, we might recognize that the cost of an assistant to help with the paperwork shrinks in relation to the longer-term personal and financial cost of not delegating work we handle poorly. We can find ways to create and choose activities, friends, careers and circumstances that honor our values. As we do, stress and discord begin to fall away.

Yes, there may still be drivers weaving recklessly through the traffic, but the sight of them no longer makes our blood boil. We may just send up a little prayer for the safety of those around them and continue on our journey.